Saturday, January 17, 2009

Winter Monotony

I am bored with my life.  I am tired of getting up each morning.  My dreams are much better.  The shaky economy, the scrutinizing over this artist statement I've been writing, researching other  artist then overvaluing them and undervaluing of myself is making living hard going for me lately. 

I finally watched "Man on Wire". Philipe Petit is an incredibly passionate, charismatic man and I was totally taken by him.  I wanted to have what he has.  There I was measuring my passion against his.  If you have seen this movie you will see how laughable this comparison is.  There are people in this world who are just superior in achieving dreams; their brains, their discipline, their passion is beyond normal.  When I am not in a good emotional place I struggle so with mediocrity.  The other day I was at a couples home taking photos for an artist friend. The husband ( a doctor, a marathon runner) and wife had returned from a book store where he had purchased "Atlas Shrug" to read.  After talking with him about other books he had read and sharing the love of stories etc, he brought me two books to lend me that he had just finished reading.  I was surprised he had read them; I questioned the fact.  These huge books hadn't even had their spines broken.  The books I've read look as if they've been through the spin cycle of the washing machine.  I cannot seem to get this off my mind.  How can one person be so......, something, so...., amazing.  And he was good-looking, he had children, he was happily married, he had a beautiful home and he wasn't socially retarded.  Its killing me today.  


cafe selavy said...

We all do. The trick is to make it look easy. It isn't, but nobody is going to save us, I think. Movies provide us with those unreal expectations.

I don't know why your post made me think of this except that it made me happy. Here.

TammyPatrice said...

You are right on. I think I am brave enough to read “Somewhere Towards the End.” Thank you for introducing me to Ms. Athill, I love her humor.....In earlier decades, she observes, bad lipstick could make an older woman “look like a vampire bat disturbed in mid-dinner.”

Anonymous said...

I have enjoyed my visit to your blog immensely. It seems you have voiced my inner most feelings! It's always awesome to come across another like-minded artist! I'll be back to visit often!

JazzLvr said...


You left a comment on my blog last week. Thank you. You're very talented and I take it as quite a compliment coming from you.

I really appreciate your honesty about your life, both personal and professional. It shows a strength and a humanity.

There are people who seemingly have achieved everything that we want. They have the career that we have, the clients, the reputation, the life, etc. So we secretly resent/envy/super-analyze them. Even without knowing that much about them. And this happens so much in this image-based profession. On any given day I question what I am doing, and why. Yes it's fueled by a love and a passion but I am not sure if that's enough. My lady touches me and tells me all the practical reasons why I am dealing with what I am. And of course she makes sense.

So anyway, keeping doing what you are, keep your honesty and your vulnerability. Somehow I think that is what's going to pull you through.

And yeah, this economy sucks. But you don't.

Take care,