Wednesday, June 17, 2009
As I work on the computer I watch different things via the internet. One show I entertain myself by are episodes of Frontline on PBS. The "Living Old" I just finished and why I watched it for a second time is puzzling to me. It is as if thinking hard enough and long enough I will change the outcome of the inevitable-growing old. The experience I had with Mom yesterday has got me suffering again with her aging. I am so sad that there is nothing I can do to fix this part of her life. I can't do this for her and it is not just a passing faze. I can't carrying it; I can't take her away from it; we can't throw it away; we can't ignore it; the weather won't make it better. It is the hard final agonizing lap; it is death coming; it is the deterioration, pain, isolation, boredom. Mom is going out slowly. And somedays I just hate it. Somedays I loose hope. My biggest fear is she has lost hope too.