Winter Monotony

I am bored with my life.  I am tired of getting up each morning.  My dreams are much better.  The shaky economy, the scrutinizing over this artist statement I've been writing, researching other  artist then overvaluing them and undervaluing of myself is making living hard going for me lately. 

I finally watched "Man on Wire". Philipe Petit is an incredibly passionate, charismatic man and I was totally taken by him.  I wanted to have what he has.  There I was measuring my passion against his.  If you have seen this movie you will see how laughable this comparison is.  There are people in this world who are just superior in achieving dreams; their brains, their discipline, their passion is beyond normal.  When I am not in a good emotional place I struggle so with mediocrity.  The other day I was at a couples home taking photos for an artist friend. The husband ( a doctor, a marathon runner) and wife had returned from a book store where he had purchased "Atlas Shrug" to read.  After talking with him about other books he had read and sharing the love of stories etc, he brought me two books to lend me that he had just finished reading.  I was surprised he had read them; I questioned the fact.  These huge books hadn't even had their spines broken.  The books I've read look as if they've been through the spin cycle of the washing machine.  I cannot seem to get this off my mind.  How can one person be so......, something, so...., amazing.  And he was good-looking, he had children, he was happily married, he had a beautiful home and he wasn't socially retarded.  Its killing me today.