A conversation last night started my head reeling on a problem many of us suffer, and that is fear driven activity spent on trying to achieve admiration and control. As I mentioned earlier in my blog I spend way too much time worrying over what others have and what I don't have in comparison and I am keenly aware of it when I see it in others (I'm working on becoming more aware of seeing it in myself-a difficult thing to do). There is nothing sadder to see than frantic, fear driven activity spent on gaining a sense of self based on how others view you. What is particularly sad is to see the activity being presented as altruistic. It is doubly Self defeating. And I mean that from the kindest place in my heart.
For some time now I have been reading Thomas Merton-No Man Is An Island. This morning was amazingly appropriate. The quotes are a reminder of the destruction of ego driven desires.
"The value of activity depends almost entirely on the humility to accept ourselves as we are." And this, "...the purity of our conscience has a natural proportion with the depth of our being and the quality of our acts." And then this is huge; "The deep secrecy of my own being is often hidden from me by my own estimate of what I am. My idea of what I am is falsified by my admiration for what I do."
